The turn of the year often feels like a cultural mandate for renewal—a time for ambitious resolutions and sweeping change. But for those of us walking the path of grief, the idea of a "fresh start" can feel heavy, even impossible. How can we embrace "new" when the "old" still holds such a powerful, painful presence?

This year, let's redefine the New Year's fresh start. It’s not about erasing the past or forgetting the one you lost. It’s about giving yourself permission to create space for future joy alongside the love you carry for yesterday.

Joy is Not a Betrayal

One of the most common internal conflicts in grief is the feeling that experiencing happiness or joy somehow dishonors the memory of the one who is gone. We worry that a laugh is a sign of moving on, which we equate with forgetting.

This is a powerful, persistent myth. Joy is not a betrayal; it is a testament to the love you shared.

Think of it this way: Did your loved one want you to be unhappy? Of course not. The most sincere way to honor the happiness they brought into your life is to allow yourself to feel happy again. Your capacity for joy is a living, breathing legacy of the love and light they brought into your world.

• You don't replace love; you grow around it. Grief creates a massive, jagged void. You can’t fill that void, but with time, you can grow new life, new interests, and new joy around its edges. The void remains, but the light around it expands.

Reclaiming Your Right to a Fresh Start

A fresh start doesn't need to be a dramatic overhaul. It can be a series of small, gentle shifts that prioritize your own healing and wellbeing. This year, focus on permission instead of pressure.

1. Give Yourself Permission to "Try"

Forget the daunting, absolute resolutions like "I will be happy every day." Instead, make tiny, actionable permissions that are safe to fail and easy to try again tomorrow:

• Permission to Try: "Today, I will allow myself to look forward to one small thing." (A good cup of coffee, a peaceful walk, a quiet evening.)
• Permission to Connect: "This week, I will reach out to one person who makes me feel safe and supported."
• Permission to Pause: "When the grief feels overwhelming, I will allow myself ten minutes to cry, and then gently redirect to a simple task."

2. Introduce a "Joy Anchor"

Choose one small, dedicated activity this year that is purely for your own benefit and enjoyment. This is your Joy Anchor—a tangible reminder that your life still holds the capacity for delight.

It could be a new hobby you’ve always wanted to explore (knitting, birdwatching, painting), or simply committing to reading a great book once a month. The activity itself is less important than the intention behind it: I am doing this because I am worth the effort. This small, intentional investment in your future self is the essence of a fresh start.

3. Redefine "New"

A fresh start doesn't mean moving to a new city or getting a new job. It can be as simple as changing your relationship with your time, your space, or even your routine.

• New Boundaries: Give yourself permission to say "No" to social events that feel too draining, and "Yes" only to activities that replenish your spirit.
• New Rhythm: If your routine is filled with reminders of your loss, try a small change—take a new route for your morning walk, or reorganize one shelf in your kitchen. Small physical changes can often lead to small emotional shifts.

The New Year offers a symbolic line in the sand—a chance to look ahead. This year, let that light not be a harsh spotlight, but a gentle glow. You have carried your love and your pain through another year, and that resilience is incredible. You are now free to use that strength to reach for the joy that is waiting for you, without guilt or apology. 

Your healing, your joy, and your future are all beautiful ways to honor your past.